This is my normal. I started the season with great intentions of posting every day of Advent. I’ve certainly been thinking, writing, scrawling more than ever…. But this is the silly season and things are happening. A lot of things.
You understand, right?
I’d like to excuse myself with a list of things, reasons why I didn’t meet this one promise I made to myself and to Jesus this advent. But I can’t. It is my choice each day who I will put first. God or me?
Sometimes I put the Lord first. He says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33 NIV). He is faithful. When I choose Him first, He blesses me from the inside out. When I choose him first, I am filled with the warm inner glow of knowing I got it right for once. But it wasn’t really me, was it? It was us.
Sometimes I put myself first. I tell God I’m going to sit in bed and crochet today. Petulant child mode. That’s when condemnation creeps in. You’re not putting God first if you crochet during your quiet time. Strange how Satan suddenly cares about how I spend my quiet time.
But God,…
… and I’m reading about the clothes he made for Adam and Eve and how it was an act of care. God’s first response to their sin and shame was not to banish them or condemn them, it was the action of a caring father. He gave them what they needed at that time. Sorry, I can’t recall who wrote it or where I read it or I would cite it appropriately.
And there are days where my ADHD is too much, the teeth grinding and the constantly moving toes and ankles are so draining. The pins and needles in my calves. For me, crochet is a form of fidgeting that is, at least, productive. It appeals to the colour-seeking part of me that mourns for my old job as a florist. God knows that. He made me.
It’s on those days when I’m most broken that Satan tries to use my pain against me and taunt me with condemnation. It’s on those days that Jesus arrives with mercy and compassion. He sits with me. I sense his presence in my worship whether I’m singing, humming, praying, reading the Bible or just sitting crocheting and listening, I know He is with me. I know that He understands pain. I know that He does not condemn me for the missing days 5 through 8. Those days were perfect without a post – there was time with family, treasured people, there were busy work days that required me to dig deeper than usual, there was a special occasion for my son, and there was a day where I just said ‘No’ to the entire world and sat in bed with my crochet project.
It’s looking fabulous, by the way. It will be great next winter when I need to wear a scarf for the two days where it drops below 20 degrees celsius. (Apologies to those who live in cold climates.)
There are other days when I just react. I don’t put anything first. My day to unfolds in front of me. These are the days the Holy Spirit is whispering to me about. He’s saying start your day with intention and purpose. Start your day with praise, not complaining. Begin with thanksgiving for the Lord’s perfect plan. Get up and get ready knowing that I am walking with you and leading you along a perfect path I have made for you.
This is day 9 of Advent and the Lord has a perfect plan for your day and for this Season. Be the love and grace, the one who comes alongside and spends time with those who need it.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33-34
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